We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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