He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
