Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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