It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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