i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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