Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
