Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
