i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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