Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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