I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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