Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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