Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
