he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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