discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
