you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ok first of all what the fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
