Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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