If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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