Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
