they need to just BURY HIM!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
