i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
