I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
