so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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