She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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