Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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