I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize