Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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