D3 body, D1 cock
too bad you live with your parents still
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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