She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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