Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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