Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
