And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
