I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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