im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
