I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
