i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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