I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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