Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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