just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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