I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're not piercing ourselves today.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
