Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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