we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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