I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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