So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
