I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
