Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
