I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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