Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
