My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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