OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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