i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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