I just made out with a guy for $7.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
