What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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