Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
third nipple confirmed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize