Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
