Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
