Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
