he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
