I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
