i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
