Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize