i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
