Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
