My cat gives me a boner
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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