it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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