We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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