i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
