he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
