you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
