chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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