his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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