Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think my vagina is haunted
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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