Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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