she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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