so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
