he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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