I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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