we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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