Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
