I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
