im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
